Thursday, 17 October 2013

Scrambled


Struggling to organise my thoughts. Hard to describe and evaluate what I'm experiencing and decide best thing to do about it. Guess that's why they call it losing the plot. Took 800mg chlorpromazine last night and extra depakote as well. Very faint and dizzy today. Keep losing balance. But slept through the night. Win. Sleep the only self-management strategy I can come up with at the moment. Very much living moment to moment. Saw CPN/NP yesterday. She said she can't be someone for me to talk to, her role is to look at meds. Suggested I try the Samaritans. Felt chastised and rebuked. Felt foolish and embarassed. Humiliated myself by crying a bit. Can call Crisis Team if desperate. Did think about it but worried they'll want to admit me. Hence little OD. Going to try quetiapine again. Chlorpromazine not doing much. Hopefully quetiapine will help me sleep. Been given another credit card. Scary how easy it is to get one, even when already in debt. Always with high interest rates, of course. Also being inundated by payday loan offers. In control though. Have budget. Know what I'm doing. Reablement referral gone in. Psychology questionaire returned. Going to ask for referral to Mind. Maybe all that will help. Just services seem very fragmented these days. Social worker used to be central point and organise other stuff. Had chance to get to know and trust her. Felt different.

2 comments:

Golden Psych said...

That's awful that she wouldn't speak to you about things. Surly she should be and if not her you should have someone on your team that you can discuss things with. Yes, having someone to talk to about meds is also what is needed, but they seem to be over looking the most important part.

werehorse said...

Well I guess since she's a nurse prescriber she wants to move away from the more generally supportive stuff and focus more on medication. But it leaves me without anyone to talk to about what I am experiencing. I guess I will just have to see how long the waiting list for a psychologist is and if they can help me. Thanks for commenting x