Anxiety, Agitation and Anniversaries

I'm not feeling terribly well.

I'm trying to stay calm and think logically because getting in a state is only going to further scramble my head.

Just because certain patterns are playing out in the same way they did last year doesn't mean that it is inevitable I shall become ill again in such a terrifying and overwhelming way.

There is no reason I should end up in hospital so there is no need for me to be experiencing such blind frantic panic at the prospect.

I am trying desperately to think of ways I can occupy myself that are "safe", though I'm struggling to come up with much. Everything, everywhere, seems to be part of it.