Tuesday

I think I'm spending more time asleep than awake at the moment. It's ridiculous. How can I have gone from being breezy and bright-eyed on four hours to this exhaustion and lethargy? It makes all those thoughts about just being a naturally happy energetic person who didn't need much sleep seem utterly foolish. It's like I said yesterday, it's so easy when in one mood state to forget even the possibility of another. That's an error I seem particularly prone to.

My CPN phoned this morning and I have an appointment on Thursday. She said the first thing to do would probably be to reduce the chlorpromazine. Makes sense, since I clearly don't need to be taking anything the slightest bit sedating right now.

In the meantime I'm trying to think of things I can do to jazz myself up a bit. Hot showers. Body scrubs. Brisk walks. Sigh. And pushing myself as much as I can  to keep taking care of myself and the house, because I know if I let everything slide I will only feel worse. I've been doing a bit of research on using turmeric for depression and wondering if it would be worth giving that a go. The trouble is that supplements and the suchlike cost money, and everything else just feels like so much effort.

But I really want to minimise the impact of this and get back on track as quickly as possible. I think episodes of illness are traumas in themselves, because when I remember how I have been in the past I feel terrified and sick. The memories are awful, and feeling like this again brings on something akin to flashbacks.