Friday, 27 September 2013

I Don't Like How I Feel

I haven't been writing because I feel like I can't write. I feel like I can't think. I'm all muddle-headed. I'm bouncing between ideas I can't articulate, so I can't evaluate. I'm definitely not human, that's the only thing I know for sure. This alien presence in my brain has altered me. I want to stop taking the medication. I haven't done that yet, but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep taking it. I keep thinking it is poison, I keep thinking it is killing me. I can't work out why I have been altered but I feel I am in great danger. If I go to the GP they'll only call me crazy. No one will actually help me. I can't trust any of them.


Me. said...

I am so sorry that you feel like this. Is there anyone at all you can confide in, it sounds really scary to be dealing with alone? Please try to keep challenging the thought that the medicine is poison. I am sorry I cannot really help. Just know that I am thinking of you and send warmth and love x

werehorse said...

Thanks Me. I just don't know who or what to trust right now, it's very confusing x

Me. said...

I can understand that. If you can't trust anyone around you do you think you can keep writing here, just so that we can give you any support possible. I don't know if it would help, but can you recognise any times when you did feel that you knew what you could trust - when you could recognise truthfully what was 'illness' and what was you? If you can is there anything that you have written that might help you to trust that? Does that make any sense, sorry if it doesn't?